


The Fragility of Life

by orphan_account



Category: Kuroko no Basuke
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Child Abuse, Death, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Instability, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Trauma, midotaka - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 21:27:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11540754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Takao Kazunari was a child who was never allowed to go outside because of the irrational fears of his bedridden, paranoid, mentally unstable mother. Pressing his palms against the wide windows of his house library, he discovered a blinding light in the form of Midorima Shintaro.





	The Fragility of Life

It happened suddenly, and the outcome was devastating. After a robber broke into the house of the wealthy Takao family, his father ended up dead. That was the first time Kazunari saw death right in the face. It was as if the cloaked figure were playing him, as a mocking smile was plastered on his otherwise featureless face. From then on, Kazunari's mother refused to leave the house, or allow young Kazunari to leave, either. The only others that were allowed in were the servants, bringing them food and whatever else they needed, as the wealth they had currently possessed could easily last them several lifetimes. It was obviously not his father's fault for dying, but in a way, Kazunari thought of it as a hindrance to his everyday life. Looking out the window longingly to run around like a normal nine year old boy, he soon grew to hate his mother and the pain that she knowingly put him through.

It was not as though his mother was scarred by his father's death because she loved him so much. She was a coward who was afraid of dying. She wouldn't get out of her own bed, in fear of the monsters that weren't there. She wouldn't leave her small, closed-off universe that she was lost in, convinced that it was her home. Kazunari refused to see her, refused to enter her presence, because day by day, his hatred for her only grew stronger and stronger.

 _Why can't I have been raised by a normal family? Why can't I go to school? Why does that bitch have to exist solely to ruin my life?_ Kazunari, who hated being alone, who hated not being able to go outside, who hated those that were granted normal lives was furious, and driven mad by hatred. In this big house that was supposed to hold much more than just the two of them, even servants began quitting, leaving only a few that serve them as their only way of making money.

He hated his mother for caging him in her own little lost world when he knew the way out, he hated his father for leaving him in this stupid situation, he hated the servants for not doing something about this, and he hated the normal kids who were allowed to play outside and go to school simply for having everything that he wanted but could not reach. Even before all this happened, the other kids isolated him for being a rich boy who had everything they wanted yet couldn't have.  _Funny the situation has completely flipped, now, huh?_

Kazunari was sinking in the dark water of this wretched place. In this small universe, a cycle of suffering and causing others to suffer takes place until you begin to lose your mind. No matter how much he struggled and struggled, he couldn't swim to the top. In the midst of this cold darkness, even the servants describe him as drowning. Kazunari didn't even know what his face looked like anymore. He can't see his hands that were right in front of him. The water was much too dark and much too cold.

* * *

One day, five years after the robbery, Kazunari was sitting against a large, windowed wall in the house library when he saw an emerald-haired boy around his age who happened to come across this mansion when he was outside painting. The emerald-haired boy looked up at him, then looked back down, to continue painting. He then, once again, looked up and looked down. Several similar exchanges occurred until finally, when they locked eyes, Kazunari felt a rush of adrenaline. Who was this beautiful boy that was painting someone that was practically locked up in the confines of his mother's delusions? The boy cocked his head to one side, and seemed to be mouthing, ' _what is your name?_ ' In frantic hope that this boy wouldn't get bored of him and leave, Kazunari desperately searched for a piece of paper and a pen. When he finally found what he was looking for, he quickly scrawled, 'Takao Kazunari' in hiragana, because he hasn't been to school in so long he can no longer read or write kanji.

When the boy turned and began running the opposite direction, Kazunari shed a single tear, once again left alone in this huge house. His feet were itching to move, and he wanted to prance in the open field outside the window. He wanted to sail the seven seas, and he wanted to calm his wanderlust by breathing fresh air again. When the boy who he thought he'd never see again came back with a notebook and a pencil, he was surprised, but in a happy way.

On the notebook, the boy wrote,  _"Takao. I'm Midorima Shintarou. Why don't you come outside?"_ As soon as Kazunari saw this message, tears began to fill his eyes to the brim, threatening to spill. He had never expressed the reason why he couldn't come outside. He's always been lamenting by himself, alone, drowning in his own little world.

In correspondence, he scribbled,  _"I can't. Shin-chan, I can't get out of this hell, but please, please, please don't leave me to sink by myself."_ When Midorima,  _Shin-chan,_ cocked his head to one side with his eyebrows knitted together in confusion, Kazunari realized he had made a mistake. What was he saying to this utter stranger?

_"I'll stay with you for now, but I've got to be home by sundown."_

The raven-haired boy nodded, acknowledging the other's words, but was secretly disappointed that Shin-chan couldn't stay with him, even though he knew it wouldn't make sense if he was able to.

_"Nee, Shin-chan, why do you paint?"_

_"My father is a painter. I have a competition next month."_

_"Ehh... That's so cool. I wish I had something like that."_

_"Like what?"_

_"Something to do, to go out for, to practice."_

_"I see."_

Their conversation continued like that endlessly, and although they had just met earlier that day, it was never awkward for the two of them, as they seemed to talk about everything yet nothing at once. As the sun was getting more and more hidden by the horizon, Kazunari grew more and more anxious, that he would never see the boy again, that he would end up alone all over again.

_"I have to go for now. See you tomorrow, Takao!"_

Those last three words alone were a promise. They were a promise that even when things got dark after a long day, that once again, dawn will emerge. Kazunari held the words, 'see you tomorrow' very close to his heart, because it was something he could cling to even in hopeless times, that the emerald-haired boy-  _Shin-chan-_ would return.

* * *

That night, Kazunari wasn't able to get a single wink of sleep. Although irrational, his mind harbored useless thoughts like,  _"What if Shin-chan came at one in the morning?" "How early would Shin-chan come tomorrow?"_ and finally,  _"Will Shin-chan really come tomorrow?"_

The only thing that could comfort him was sitting right next to the windows that were at least ten or twenty times his height starting at 11:30 at night, napping against the panes, only to be woken up by the warmth of the sun as it transferred heat through the glass and onto his shoulder. He didn't really expect Shin-chan to be here so early in the first place, but he subconsciously hoped that he would.

At this point, waiting was actually getting bad for his heart. Even the sudden rustle of leaves, the landing of a bird, or the movement of a bug would get him more and more excited. By the time it was nearly sundown, Kazunari began to question whether the emerald-haired boy would actually come. After all, in the TV shows he's watched in the midst of his boredom, "see you tomorrow" could just be a replacement for "goodbye". Shin-chan could have just wrote it by accident, and never intended to come back in the first place. Somehow, Kazunari wasn't at all sad or surprised, because he's already seen the darkest depths of suffering and death, and had a creeping suspicion that nobody had the time for him, anyway.

Sometimes he hated himself for thinking like that, and he hated himself for only being able to dream of going outside despite not having the courage to stand up to his mother, he hated himself for hating his father, he hated himself for hating his mother, he hated himself for...

A sudden knock on the window jolted Kazunari out of the spiral of self-loathing, and only then did he realize that he was squeezing his eyes shut and clawing at his own hair, struggling to breathe. When he looked up, he saw a concerned Shin-chan frantically scribbling on his notebook.

_"Are you okay? Do you need help? Take a few deep breaths. What in the world happened?"_

Kazunari's entire body was trembling, and the words he wrote in reply were barely legible.  _"I'm fine."_...Just drowning.

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Yeah. Don't worry about it."_

_"Sorry about being late, I was painting and didn't even realize what time it was."_

_"That's okay. I'm always here in the library, though. Even though I don't particularly like reading. It's easy to think here. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free."_ Kazunari snorted. What's he doing, trying to play it all cool?

_"I don't think you should just stare. Sometimes thoughts are deafening."_

_"Okay."_  Kazunari exhaled, ignoring the other boy's comment. _"It's sundown. Don't you have to leave?"_

_"I live alone with my father, and he left earlier today to tour the world as an artist and won't be back until next week, so I'll be fine. Unless, of course, you want me to leave."_

_"No, of course not. But is it really okay to leave a fourteen year old boy by himself for a week?"_

_"Should you be talking? I don't know what kind of circumstances you're in, but I doubt what you're getting is amazing parenting."_

When Kazunari's eyes widened, and eyebrows knitted together to form a bewildered scowl, Shin-chan knew immediately that he made a mistake.

_"Sorry. I went too far with that one. I meant, it's fine. This happens a lot, actually."_

_"That's okay."_

Their exchange carried on like so until it reached ten o'clock, and Shin-chan went home.

_"Bye-bye, Takao."_

_"Will you be coming tomorrow?"_

_"Obviously."_

Several days passed by in a similar fashion, and Kazunari felt more secure due to the fact Shin-chan came every day. For the first time in his life, he had made a friend. However, it was only twenty days later, after his mother called him a useless kid who couldn't protect his father, he had another one of his "attacks" right when Shin-chan arrived at the windows.

_"Seriously, Takao. I'm worried about you. What in the world is happening behind closed doors that I don't know about?"_

It was then when Kazunari poured everything out. The death of his father, his encounter with death himself, the paranoia of his mother, and everything that he's felt for the past five years. The pure horror and astonishment that took place on Shin-chan's face startled Kazunari, and he wished that the window in between the two of them would disappear and allow him to embrace the emerald-haired boy.

_"This is serious. Why have you not said anything? You endured, endured, and endured for the past five years? No offence, but no wonder you're so messed up now! It's actually a miracle you're not even more so screwed up in the head."_

_"Wow, thanks for the comfort, Shin-chan."_

_"Seriously, you need to get help. Talk back to that mother of your's if you need to. It's not fair that you have to live like this."_

_"I know. I'll talk to her as soon as I'm able to pluck up the courage."_

_"I don't want to see you suffer, Takao."_

* * *

After that ordeal, life continued on uneventfully until the results of the art competition Shin-chan was so sure he would win came out.

But when he came to the windows of the library, he was crying. And Kazunari has never seen Shin-chan cry. It was surprising to him, because his beloved Shin-chan seemed like a strong person that probably didn't even cry as a baby. Yet, the ethereal pearls were spilling out of the corners of the boy's eyes, and it looked as if a beam of light were surrounding him.

_"Takao, Takao, I lost! I can't believe it! I wanted to make my father proud, but now he's going to be disappointed!"_

_"Why did you lose?"_ Kazunari flipped to the next page of his notebook, stricken by the devastated look on Shin-chan's face.  _"You practiced more than anyone! You worked on the piece for longer than anyone!"_

 _"There can be people who practice all their lives for that moment of judging, yet still lose to someone who hasn't practiced at all. The difference between the two people is that one's a genius and one's a normal person. I'm what you call..."_ Shin-chan's entire body started trembling while writing the next few words. More tears began to form in his emerald green eyes and his face contorted into a painful smile.  _"...A normal person."_

When Kazunari couldn't respond, Shin-chan stood up and dusted himself off.

_"Takao, I'll be leaving for today. I'll come tomorrow, though, promise."_

Tomorrow came all too slowly, but when Kazunari saw emerald hair and eyes of the same color running toward him, he finally felt that he wasn't ready. However, when he saw the carefree smile on the boy's face, relief rushed through his entire body.

_"I grew up believing that I had to please my father by becoming a painter, just like him. But I think I found something that even my father, who I looked up to my entire life, can't do. I want to play basketball, Kazu."_

The word that hit him the hardest was his name. Shin-chan's always called him by his family name, Takao. Never by his first name. This, for some reason, made him unbearably happy. No one, except for his mother and father, has ever called him by his first name.

_"That's amazing, Shin-chan! I bet you'll be one of the best players in Japan."_

_"Let's play together, someday, Kazu!"_ Shin-chan then proceeded to show Kazunari the biggest, brightest smile in the world. He could have sworn a million angels cast a spell on this boy. The light in his hair, the glint in his eyes... Kazunari thinks it was that moment when he fully fell in love with Shin-chan.

_"Yeah!"_

* * *

The next instance he felt that rushing feeling that he was able to deduct as 'love' was only one week after the realization. It was when Shin-chan was talking about the glee of getting on first string as soon as he joined the club, the high pressure, yet warmth of the team, and the him that seemed so happy tugged at Kazunari's heart.

The pure joy that he expressed through large grins, the light wind that tousled his hair, and the sublime glow that he seemed to be radiating- Kazunari would even call it perfect. It was as if this love took him by the hand and fished him right out of the dark nothingness he used to be trapped in. A light source, one might say. Shin-chan was his light source.

_"Kazu, are you paying attention?"_

_"Yes, of course. I'm glad that you're so happy."_

Kazunari was the type of boy whom, other than when his mother was involved, would say whatever he was thinking. He didn't know if that made him honest, or someone who couldn't read the atmosphere very well. When he blurted out exactly what he was thinking when he saw Shin-chan  _glistening_ like that, he thanked every god that existed, despite not being religious, that there was a glass window between the two of them.

Of course, although Kazunari found out about his feelings for the other boy, he never had the intention of telling him, even for a moment. Because they had such an unbreakable barrier, he knew that anything remotely close to breaking their current bond would come in between them instantly, and never go away. Shin-chan might even run away from him. So there was no way he could tell him.  _If I can escape this hell, ever,_ he thought,  _I'll tell him._ He knew that the thick layer of glass was much thicker and stronger than their relationship could ever hope to be while it was between them.

He couldn't afford any stumbles or mistakes.

What they had right now had to be perfect.

If somehow, he screwed up, Shin-chan would slip right past his fingers, and fade away in the dark. He wouldn't be able to bear it if his light source, no matter how tiny, disappeared. He had to preserve it for as long as he could.

That was the only thing he was able to do in the fragile relationship.

Simply hope it wouldn't snap.

* * *

One day, Shin-chan didn't drop by. When Kazunari had another "attack" that night, he could sense that he was playing right into death's hands. Even though he knew, even though he knew, he simply couldn't control it. He knew that Shin-chan was probably busy with club, he knew that! Even so, why...? Why was he feeling this way?

_Seriously, what is wrong with me?_

It was as if Kazunari's mental state was beginning to rely on Shin-chan. The closer the two got, the more disintegration took place during the time other than the three or four hours he was here on most days.

Sometimes, it would get so bad he worried he wouldn't be able to function without Shin-chan. What if he never came again? What would happen to him then? Would it be full-out insanity?

Shin-chan had his basketball, but as someone who can't even leave his house, it was hard for Kazunari to find a passion. In a way, it was torturous, watching his friend grow when he seemed to stay the exact same.

The next day, Shin-chan didn't come, either. By this time, Kazunari had already accepted that he needed the emerald-haired boy to live. Because of that, should he never come to that window again, Kazunari was okay with dying alone. A light is a light, and he understands that lights don't exactly last forever. It's not the light's fault. It just simply isn't strong enough. If Shin-chan were his light, then he'd be the dark that would allow the light to shine.

* * *

The third day, Shin-chan did come.

_"I'm really, really sorry, Kazu! I got caught up with basketball, and I've been going home late and going to sleep right when my head hits the pillow. Forgive me?"_

_"Of course. You don't have to come every day, you know. Don't push yourself so hard."_ That was a lie. Kazunari wanted Shin-chan to come every day.

The other boy frowned.  _"What are you talking about? Of course I want to come every day. Yesterday and the day before are a one-time thing, got that? I'm coming every day from now on, so remember to stay here!"_

_"Like I said, I don't want you to push yourself..."_

_"I'm telling you, I_ want  _to come every day!"_

Someone...  _wanted_ to see him? And every single day, at that? On top of grueling practices and school? Although he was concerned, Kazunari couldn't help but smile, no matter how much he tried to fight it. It ended up bending his face into a weird scowl, causing Shin-chan to laugh so hard he cried.

That's when he thought for the third time, "I really, really, really love Shin-chan".

_"Nee, Shin-chan! When I get out of this cage, I'm going to tell you something, something very, very, very important."_

The shooting guard frowned in disapproval, impatient, wanting to hear those "very, very, very important" words.

_"Why can't you just tell me now?"_

Kazunari stuck his tongue out at the boy jokingly.  _"Secret!"_

* * *

That night, he saw Shin-chan behind his eyelids within the wonders of his mind. In this dream, he could run around in the grass, he could attend Shin-chan's basketball games, he could meet Shin-chan's other friends, and he was being taught basketball by Shin-chan. Everything in his world revolved around the one he loves, and not his mother. When he regained consciousness in the middle of the night, he found tears on his pillow, after realizing what he saw was not really what happened. When he tried to re-conjure that dream, it didn't come back, but instead was cast into void, and had the boy no recollection of it at all come morning.

But during that night, he thought (hoped) that the dream was just a premonition of the near future with Shin-chan.

* * *

It was after he disappeared for a couple of days Shin-chan's expression began looking darker and darker after each visit. Kazunari didn't think much of it at first, but when he saw that his best friend looked like he was about to cry, he felt a tug at his heart. He still didn't say a word, however, because he didn't want Shin-chan to remember anything he didn't want to remember. He almost looked like the time he lost the art competition.

Shadows get darker during the summer.

The pain etched on his face was growing more and more obvious as darkness pulled at the corners of his eyes and their lively conversations became more and more vacant. It was a whole month after this started occurring when Kazunari finally mustered up the courage to ask what was wrong.

_"Shin-chan, are you okay?"_

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"You don't look very happy as of late."_

_"I'm fine. I don't have the right to complain about my life to you."_

Kazunari felt his face automatically twist into a hateful expression, anger building up in his veins.  _"What could that mean? Am I not trustworthy?"_

_"No... No. You wouldn't understand."_

_"Then make me understand!"_

_"If I complain to you, what would that make me? I get everything in the world, and I'm still complaining. You would hate me."_

_"That's not true."_ Kazunari wrote, shaking his head.

Shin-chan fell silent for a few minutes before raising his notebook with a pale, trembling hand.  _"Corruption."_

_"What?"_

_"It's all so corrupted. People aren't coming to practice, and Akashi, the captain... He's like two different people. It's scary."_

Kazunari had no idea how to respond, and Shin-chan knew that, so he flipped a page and continued to write.  _"I'm scared. I'm so scared, Kazu."_

Suddenly, on Kazunari's side, a loud noise that sounded like the breaking of glass occurred. When he turned around, expecting a frantically apologizing servant, he almost had a heart attack.

"...Mom."

She glared at him with the intensity of a lion, yet the coldness of a ghost. "Kazunari. How dare you talk to a stranger? How dare you defy me?"

"Just go back to bed, mom."

The black haired woman bent down to pick up a rather large piece of glass, looking as if she hadn't slept in days. "Kazunari, tell that boy to leave and never come back."

"No. No!"

"Don't talk back to me!" She screamed, and swung her arm with the glass in hand. Kazunari felt blood beading up on his face in the form of a long cut, all the way from the bridge of his nose to the top of his cheek, just narrowly missing his eye.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Blood is thicker than water."

"You still call yourself family after practically abandoning me for five years? Missing five of my birthdays, missing five Christmases? I'm not even being selfish here."

"Do as you wish. Get yourself killed, see if I care."

The woman turned around, and began to walk back upstairs. When Kazunari was sure that he was out of sight, he turned back around to Shin-chan, who was still sitting there stiffly.

_"Sorry about that. Continue on with your story. Don't worry about what just happened."_

_"Are you okay?"_

It was after seeing those words when Kazunari started shaking furiously and tears began to collect in his eyes. They started spilling out and mixing with his blood when Shin-chan looked at him as if he pitied him.  _"I'm fine! I'm fine! Don't look at me like that, it's like you're seeing a kicked puppy or something."_ When he went to wipe his eyes and found blood on his hand, he just wiped it on his jeans and let himself continue to bleed, face stinging violently. However, he somehow enjoyed the rush. It felt good. He looked up at the sky, which was painted a light gray with streaks of purple. Sometimes he liked to imagine Shin-chan painting the vault of heaven, but had to remind himself that Shin-chan was no longer a painter.  _Shame,_ he thought. _He looked quite beautiful while he was painting._

_"Kazu."_

_"What?"_

_"Someday, I'm going to get you out of there."_

_"Okay."_

* * *

Kazunari actually once had a sister. Or, was supposed to have one. Only two weeks before he was born when his sister, Takao Rumi, committed suicide at the age of fifteen. According to his father, her empty, subventaneous personality was difficult to deal with, as no one knew she was suffering until she one day disappeared. Over the years, it wasn't hard to notice that his mother loved his dead sister more than she loved him.  _Well,_ he'd always think,  _maybe I should have died instead of her._

Oftentimes, before the robbery, he'd find his mother burying her face in her knees, holding a picture of Rumi close to her chest. When he tried to hug her to make her feel better, she'd slap his hand away and tell him to "fuck off". It wasn't long before he started to distance himself away from his own mother, scared of being hated by her.

His mother gave birth to Rumi when she was eighteen. Somehow, his father, who was also eighteen, was still able to balance his home life and school life, making the family as rich as they are. Rumi was an apathetic girl with dark red hair, as she resembled their father when Kazunari took after his mother. Her eyes were round and a lighter shade of blue compared to his, which were a dark slate. Her expressionless face and the fact that she always looked like she was looking past you, not at you, would scare teachers and family friends (who ran away from the Takao family after the murder took place), because people as young as she was before she died should be happy and hyperactive, yet people still ended up loving her. Sometimes Kazunari would imagine her frail, shaking shoulders as she stood on the roof of a tall building, surely gazing at the sky, just as he did.

In a way, he's glad she's not alive to have to bear his mother's paranoia, because with her personality, she wouldn't cry, but instead, just bottle it all up inside of her and suffer alone. Then again, as much as his mother loves her, she probably would receive much more love than he did. When he was young, it was crushing to see his mother smile kindly at the many photos of Rumi hung up in her bedroom, yet watch as she scorned him. The cold glares that he would suffer chilled his entire body. He was a child that was raised without love.

As he grew up, however, he would yearn less and less for his mother's attention, ponder less and less upon his father's indifference, worry less and less about his classmate's frigid stares, and fight back less and less when he was being bullied at school. Right now, especially, he would rather endure the hellish beating and bullying at school rather than stay holed up at home.

No one really understood why she killed herself. Certainly, Kazunari didn't get it. As a girl who received so much love, who could push her over her limit? He was jealous of her freedom, of the love she went through, and hated the fact that she wanted to die even though she had everything that he ever wanted. However, he still couldn't blame her. This world is a cruel place that could push anyone past their limit just by simply existing. It was very possible that she was bullied in an even more vicious manner than he had been. In that sense, just as he envied her, he pitied her weakness.

Occasionally, he'd consider going the same way she did, both to spite his mother and to be released from this cage he was in. However, he was scared of the punishment that would come with running away. After Shin-chan entered his life, there was no use in dying, because that would make Shin-chan sad, and Kazunari would never be able to see him again. He didn't want that. So, for the sake of Shin-chan, he continued to live.

It's what both Shin-chan and Rumi would want.

After all, he knows that Rumi most definitely regrets her decision.

* * *

After the ordeal with his mother, Kazunari and Shin-chan went on with their uneventful life until the following year- Seasons changed, but the only thing that shifted about the two of them were their ages. However, as time passed, the hatred Kazunari felt for his mother only grew stronger. It was the autumn of their fifteenth year, and only two seasons until Shin-chan was going to enter high school.

_"I think I want to go to Shuutoku. They have a strong basketball team, and it's overall one of the better schools in the country. Not to mention, it's quite close to both of our houses."_

_"I see."_

_"Kazunari, I want you to go to high school with me."_ Kazunari was taken aback by this comment, but knew exactly what the emerald-haired boy was implying.

_"You know, that means I have to confront her."_

_"Yeah. I want you to do it. I want you to do it soon."_

_"Give me some time, please, Shin-chan."_

_"You have until mid-winter, because there are entrance exams. Two months. I'll give you two months."_

Who did he think he was? Surely, Shin-chan understood. This is an impossible task for Kazunari.  _"Didn't you say that_ you  _would get me out of here? What are you trying to do, ordering me around? It's pissing me off."_

_"I'm giving you motivation. Believe in yourself, Kazu."_

_"I don't even want to look at that woman."_

_"I know."_

_"You know? What do you know?"_ He was pressing his pen so hard into the paper that holes formed in place of his letters.  _"Do you have any clue how much I've endured for the past six years? You don't know a thing."_ Although the words were pouring out as he wrote them, he immediately regretted showing them to Shin-chan as soon as he saw his crestfallen face.  _"Sorry. I didn't mean that. You were the only one who cared enough to try and understand."_

_"It's fine."_

_"Whatever. I'll talk to her. Tonight. I don't need two months. I'll tell her tonight. I'll tell that bitch that I'm leaving this house, and I'm going to Shuutoku. I'll tell her that I hate her, and she has no right to keep me locked up in this home."_ He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  _"However, Shin-chan, don't hate me when I can finally get out of here. You know, humans go insane after an average of 72 hours of solitary confinement. The five years before meeting you, I was alone. I might already be insane. You might just be a figment of my overheated imagination. Well, my imagination or not, it's giving me the courage to get off my ass and act. Just giving you a fair warning, I might be dangerous."_

_"You don't have to tell me. I know you're not exactly the most sane person in the world."_

After Shin-chan left, Kazunari stood up, and began to walk the direction of his mother's room. Every part of his body was trembling. His hands, his fingers, his legs, and his confidence. He bit his lip hard enough to draw blood, and turned the doorknob to her room.

He hadn't been in his mother's room since his father died. At this point, it smelled heavily of urine- on her particularly bad days, she would refuse to get out of bed, no matter how much she needed to use the restroom, and allowed herself to wet the bed. The servants would usually take care of it, but on that specific day, the servants had a day off. It irritated him how this full grown woman who is fully mobile couldn't even take care of what he saw as her daily responsibilities.

"Kazunari! How dare you enter my room without permission? You startled me!"

"Mom, I'm leaving this house."

"Don't you dare open a single door or window of this house, Kazunari. Do you hate me that much to the point you want me to risk getting murdered?"

 _Actually, yes. You obviously only ever cared about yourself._ Except, he couldn't say that. "No, but I doubt simply opening a door could get you killed."

"Don't talk back to me! Children should respect their parents! You are only a child, do not forget that!"

"I neither need to listen to you nor respect you after the treatment I've received for the past six years, no, my entire life." His voice cracked at the end of his sentence, only reminding him how weak he was when his mother was involved. "I'm going to begin going to school, and you are not allowed to say otherwise. I know that you've been telling the government that you're homeschooling me, but you're not doing a thing!"

"I am!"

"Mom, I'm fifteen, and I don't even know how to read kanji!" Moisture began to collect in the corners of Kazunari's eyes and his lip was quivering furiously. "You don't know a thing about me! Tell me, what was so great about Rumi that I don't have?" He squeezed his eyes shut and tears subsequently were spilling out.

"Don't mention that name!"

"What about Rumi was so lovable that isn't lovable about me?"

At this point, his mother's eyes were rabid with anger and she started to get out of bed.

"Is it because I resemble you? Do you hate yourself that much?" Sadness mixed with anger was dripping from his lips as he slammed the wall behind him with the back of his fist.

Kazunari's mother grabbed the collar of his shirt and forcefully threw him on the ground, with frightening strength even though she moved around minimally for the past six years, but Kazunari continued to shout.

"Let me tell you one thing: I hate you. I hate the fact that you never loved me, I hate that you never let me out of this house, but most of all, I hate myself for hating you!" He started breathing hard, and felt his stomach drop as he sensed an attack creeping up on him. It was becoming difficult to breathe. "After all these years, each day, I've grown to hate you more and more, and thereupon making me hate myself more and more each day, as well! Where in the world is your conscience? Honestly, I've tortured myself so much that what you've done to me faded in comparison!" Kazunari's heart began to twist and twist, causing a burn in his chest as he tasted bile in the back of his throat.

What scared him the most was that there was nothing behind his mother's empty eyes, not a single sign of sadness or remorse- The only thing to be found beyond the desolate glare was ice. It chilled him not unlike he was spending a day in the arctic sea, and he cowered behind his knees as he saw his mother's foot raise in preparation to kick him- a sight that he's grown used to since he was a child.

However, it never came. The woman simply turned around.

"I'll let you escape this hell over my dead body. But I'll sure make it hard for you, should you ever get out of here."

* * *

Kazunari never took the last words his mother uttered to him very seriously. They were words anyone would say after losing a verbal battle. He just cried and cried and cried after storming out of her room, so much so that his eyes were almost swollen to the point he couldn't see past them when he fell asleep. After his confrontation with his mother, he didn't want to get up and do anything, he ended up going to bed without having dinner, and sure didn't want to wake up in the morning by the time it came.

However, the home phone kept ringing and ringing, no matter how many times he chose to ignored it. By the time it was noon, the caller had called them at least forty times, so he begrudgingly got out of bed and picked up the phone without looking at the caller ID.

"This is the Takao family. Is there something you need?"

"Is the Takao Kazunari?"

"Yes, who is this?"

"This is the Tokyo Takanawa Hospital, and we are very sorry to inform you that your mother, Takao Kanon was found dead by a very kind passerby at about 4:26 AM. It was reportedly a suicide that was carried out by jumping off of a tall building."

Kazunari's heart almost leaped right out of his chest. "Which tall building, may I ask?" Everything about this was screaming "Rumi", "Rumi", "Rumi".

"In the documents, it states that she jumped off of Kanata West Middle School, as it has and abnormally high roof, even for a school. How she got up there, however, we do not know."  _It was the same building Rumi jumped off of. She went the same way Rumi did._

He grabbed a fistful of his shirt, hyperventilating, but for some reason, he could not cry. This call meant all of two things: firstly, his mother's dead. More importantly: He's free.

"I... I see."

Free.

He's free.

Takao Kazunari is free.

_Free._

The rest of the conversation with the notifier was a blur, but he made sure he called a mortician shortly after to set up a funeral date out of obligation. He called all the people that attended his father's funeral to invite them. The thing that frightened him the most was that the hospital had called him to come and make sure that the dead body, was indeed, his mother. He didn't want to see her.

When he went to the front door, ready to leave, he saw that the front door was already wide open, and felt dread bubble up in his stomach.  _So this is what she meant when she said those words._

It was very difficult to make the first step into the real world for six years. He felt guilty for not feeling the least bit sad at the news of his mother's death, but also felt scared. What would happen when he took that first step? What if he was murdered right then and there?

Although he knew it was an irrational fear, he no longer understood human life. Having witnessed all those deaths in his existence, he didn't know how fragile life was supposed to be. Humans don't die that easily. He knew that. But considering the sequence of events, was that even true anymore?

As soon as he felt the air rush in the messy hair that he's been cutting himself for the past six years, Kazunari felt his heart convulse violently, and bent over due to it. It was like he had been winded by a punch right in the gut. His lungs were empty, and it felt as if oxygen was poison to him as the air refused to enter his body, and he suddenly felt like throwing up again. Maybe he couldn't do this. But when he saw Shin-chan walk toward the side of his house, this feeling disappeared, and as he ran toward the emerald-haired boy, he began to feel in his legs how out of shape he was.

Kazunari wasn't fat. If anything, he was quite the opposite. As a skinny boy wearing baggy clothing, he realized he couldn't look any more lame compared to the cool-as-usual Shin-chan. Again, he reminded himself that this was what Shin-chan saw and continued to meet for the past year, and let go of all his insecurities.

"Shin-chan!" He yelled, "Shin-chan!" Again, it scared him how little his mother's death was bothering him after seeing that familiar face. However, it no longer mattered. The only thing that was important was that Shin-chan was right in front of him.

When the boy turned around, the largest grin appeared on his face. "I knew you could do it! I knew you could do it, Kazu!"

However, as soon as the emerald-haired boy saw Kazunari's grim expression, he immediately sensed something was wrong. Before he could ask, Kazunari had already interrupted him. "She's dead. She committed suicide last night."

Shin-chan didn't know what to say. Should he be happy and rejoice with his best friend, or should he grieve alongside him? He knew that Kazunari was a a truly nice person, but also knew that he hated his mother with all of his being. Even so, Kazunari spoke before he could once again.

"It's fine. Although it scares me how not upset I am, I'm... I'm free." His eyes were completely dry, but a pained expression appeared on his face. Shin-chan knew that although he hated her, but Kazunari's remaining family was nonexistent. Being free only as a consequence to his mother's death... Was that really okay?

Suddenly, Kazunari remembered his promise to Shin-chan that was made when he first fell in love. Now that he's out of his cage, there was only one more thing he had to do, even though his cheeks flushed just at the idea of it.

"Shintarou, I love you."

Shin-chan's eyes widened, and he blushed furiously. He couldn't speak for a moment with the raven-haired boy staring directly into his eyes, and was afraid, for a moment, that he could read exactly was he was thinking.

"I love you too."

The two of them held hands and went together to the mortician to make sure of his mother's identity.

Her hair was long, and Kazunari noticed that she looked much younger when she wasn't scowling. Since when did she possess such a gentle expression? Why did she never show him that expression? Her fingers were stiff and cold- after touching them, he had to remind himself that those hands could never hurt him again. Feeling the hands that had thrown him around so much- the effect was sickening. He quickly confirmed that she was his mother, and left, still squeezing Shin-chan's hand tightly, before he could have an attack.

* * *

He didn't attend the funeral. He scheduled everything, and signed the forms, but never showed up in the end. It was a horrible act to do, and a taboo of filial piety, but he couldn't bring himself to go. Instead, he decided to spent the day with Shin-chan.

He no longer returned to the house he stayed in for the first fifteen years of his life. He dismissed all the servants, and began living at Shin-chan's place. Shin-chan's father, the painter, welcomed him as one of his own children, and he was happy there. The emerald-haired boy pushed a lot of studying on him while still attempting to teach him basketball, and eventually, they both passed the entrance exam to Shuutoku and joined the basketball club.

Sometimes, Kazunari would like to think that meeting Shin-chan was the best thing that ever happened to him. It was, in the long run, the thing that gave courage to step out of his cage.

They were happy.

Finally.

After all these years, Kazunari had thought that happiness was no longer something that he could achieve. He still got attacks as a result of, ultimately, fifteen years of neglect, but he was happy.

Many people would say that he wasn't truly happy, because he neither had a mother or a father, but that's not for them to decide.

Kazunari knew that he and Shin-chan were both very, very, happy.

* * *

_A man was floating in empty darkness, and from far, far away he caught a glimpse of a quick flash of yellow. He started running toward the yellow, and as he ran and ran and got closer and closer, the brighter the color became. When he finally reached the source of light, it was just a single, small, golden-colored bird, but it was also in this darkness, which meant that the man was not alone. However, seeing how cheerful the bird was, even in this sort of environment, caused the man to grow increasingly irritated, so he strangled the bird out of frustration. When the bird fell down dead, the reality hit the man that he was, once again, completely and utterly alone. He regretted his impulsivity, and cried and cried until he saw the bird all of a sudden come back to life, this time as two birds. No matter how many times the man would try to isolate himself by killing the birds, they would continue to multiply. The birds always stuck by his side even though he saw himself as a cruel man who would continuously kill them over and over, and they never blamed him for it. The man was once all alone, lost in a place he forced himself to call "home", but he was now so preoccupied with forgiving both the golden birds and himself that without realizing, stars formed above his head, and flowers grew all around him._

_Shin-chan, you were that first yellow bird._

_Fin._

**Author's Note:**

> The last part of this was inspired by a manga by Saitou Ken called Hana no Namae, which I encourage you guys to read. Although nothing was taken from the manga, the concept of a man who was lost, but then found by something was inspired by that manga, but instead of yellow birds, it was a red flower, I believe (correct me if I'm wrong- It's been two months).
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this. I'm still in between loving it and hating it, so your opinions would be highly appreciated.
> 
> Thanks!


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